Beware of nighttime pedestrians: they think they glow in the dark!
layman: What can one do to end crime in this nation?
minister: Pray for those who prey.
layman: That is exactly what they are!
minister: . . .
Try my simple stress-management program. It has only one step:
1. Don't watch the news!
Stuck in a 20mph school zone? I have yet to pass through a school zone that actually had kids in it!
'Grape nuts' are neither grapes nor nuts. Discuss.
newscaster: you hold the world record for bottles of beer consumed. How
many bottles was it?
record holder: gee, I can't seem to remember!
The best thing to do in a mine field is nothing!
Consider this: if a sales clerk I ask for help, rather than knowing in an instant where an item is (as he should), must "hunt down" the item I'm looking for in the same manner I would "hunt down" the item, why bother to ask? I could "hunt down" the item myself in the same amount of time!
A desk, when left alone long enough, will 'mess itself up', take note, when you're off doing other things. If you don't believe me, try it yourself!
Don't buy 100 bags of potato chips to get a free hat! If you want a hat, then buy a hat!
the movie advertisement principle: a movie critic can be found (if you look hard enough), who thinks that even the worst movie ever made is the 'best'. Just find him, and put his words in the advertisement.
result of not being Y2K compliant: Y2K complaint.
We are all familiar with the concept of the smiley: the use of text characters to create 'faces' of all types to be used to express emphasis in text-based electronic messages such as e-mail, newsgroups, bulletin boards, and chat rooms. I've come up with a few of my own:
| 'smilies': | ||||||
| {'v'} | {^v^} | {'n'} | {'-'} | {'='} | {'v~} | {'o'} |
| smiling | happy | sad | quiet | talkative | winking | surprised |
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